In recent years several authors and speakers have covered a very important human struggle from a variety of angles. That struggle is the battle with shame. Brene Brown in her powerful book, “Daring Greatly”, looks at many aspects of this common human experience of shame and condenses the sense of lack it produces into three identity statements:
I am what I do
I am what I have
I am what others think of me
Each statement is loaded in itself and we’ll look deeper at each one later on this blog. But what I want to focus on today is where the overall experience of shame originated from. Before I go there let me say this; I am well aware that there are several different views and beliefs about creation. Regardless of your beliefs, the fact that the work of authors like Brene Brown focusing on researching shame and vulnerability have sold millions of copies indicates this topic resonates with a lot of us. Let me suggest what I believe is the origin of this painful and crippling reality plaguing us today.
In the Garden of Eden the first two humans lived and enjoyed incredible relationship with God as their Father. One day the woman Eve begins to talk with a being in the garden referred to as “the serpent”. The serpent came to Eve in order to challenge her in regards to eating fruit from the tree God had forbidden them to eat. Captured in verse 4 of chapter 3 of Genesis, he sets forth his challenge not only to God’s command but also his subtle implications of God’s intentions and Eve’s worth and identity.
“You won’t die!’ the serpent replied to the woman. ‘God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.” (NLT)
There is a most subtle accusation in what the serpent is saying here which is that Eve needed something to become something…
His words imply there was a wisdom or experience that would make her better than she was and God did not want her to know about it. It is here the bedrock of shame first appears which is the lie that,
You lack something.
You are not good enough.
Regardless of your beliefs concerning the origin I’ve presented to you here, the experience of shame is so common, so systemic, it begs the question “where did it come from?” And, regardless of your answer to that question our relationship with shame is so abusive we cannot ignore the need for healing from it.
As we will explore there is a force found in Someone which brings healing from the wounds we’ve incurred through believing the lies of shame.
Shame is the sense that we haven’t just done something wrong in regards to our failures or weaknesses, but that we are wrong. It is the belief there is something fundamentally flawed about who we are. It comes out in phrases like “I am not _____ enough”; not pretty enough; not strong enough; doing enough; eating well enough; loving enough … and it goes on and on. Alternatively, it is also expressed in statements such as “I’m too ____”. Too tall, too short, too loud, too quiet, too relaxed, too anxious … you get the picture. 😉
To each of these identity statements God as our Father offers a question. It is the same question He asked Adam and Eve when He found them hiding from Him in shame.
“Who told you you were naked?” (Gen.3:11)
He asks us “who told you you were ____?”
Too this too that, not enough of this or that etc.
I have heard Him ask me this in the middle of reciting lies shame told me about myself. Simultaneously His question contains a most healing reality of His heart. The truth that He doesn’t agree with any of those statements. It could be captured this way, “who told you you were ___, because I didn’t!”
When Adam and Eve listened to the wisdom of the serpent they unknowingly disconnected from the voice of Truth. Father God has been desiring to repair that devastating disconnect with each of us ever since.
The key is to take every accusation of shame straight to Him for a healing dose of His truth and love. When we do we can experience the life He longs to give us.
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