Welcome to this series on processing grief with faith. If you’re here it means you or someone you love is likely working through grief and loss and I want to say I am so sorry you are going through what you’re going through. Hopefully, these writings can offer something positive to your journey ahead and I am trusting Father God will meet you as you read.
Processing grief almost always involves processing what we believe about the character and nature of God. Specifically, whether we can still believe God is good or not and what that means in light of what we are experiencing.
I remember when a tragedy hit my life as a teenager. I was part of a faith tradition that did not believe in being very raw and open with God. Either directly or indirectly I picked up the message it was not okay to ask him “why?” or express the truth about what I was feeling. I felt very spiritual the day I told Him, “I’m not going to ask you why this happened”. He knew where I was at and met me within the confines of my own theology, but I now know my statement was unnecessary.
Anyone who has experienced the throws of painful loss can relate to the experience of a man named Job recorded in the Bible. His story is tragic to say the least. In one day he loses all he possesses and all of his sons and daughters. Scholars disagree as to whether the story which reveals a narrative between God and Satan in the opening chapter of the book of Job is to be taken literally or allegorically but for me growing up the only option was literally!
This eventually led to some bad theology about God which would only be a matter of time before I had to have it out with Him. One day, as an adult who had learned more about His open and relational nature, I had to let it surface.
I got brave and let Him know that I had issues with whether or not He was good and that I didn’t think I would have done things the way He did at times.
To my surprise I found out He actually invites conversations like that. Job, throughout his journey with grief, also questioned God’s righteousness towards him.
As humans, when we call something good it means that it pleases us and lines up with our sense of what is right. This isn’t usually troublesome until something happens that does not please us and/or line up with what we think should have happened.
Then, we are faced with working through the question, “is God still good?”, if He didn’t do what we thought He should have done.
This is where it gets messy.
Pain….hurts.
When we experience pain we have emotional, spiritual and physical reactions.
It rearranges us on the inside and confronts our belief systems and values.
Healing cannot happen if we can’t admit what we are truly experiencing. Any part of our heart that does not get heard will develop into distance between God, ourselves and others eventually.
So, we need to find a way to be honest.
As we do, we open ourselves to the possibility of encounters with God that can transform the way we see what we’re going through.
More than answers for “why” something happened, we actually need encounter to comfort our shattered belief system.
Our Father is not scared of our questions. They are opportunities for the truth of His heart to come more in view. We can come to understand more deeply what “good” really is by learning who He is rather than judging Him by what we think is good.
A beautiful invitation to know Him lies within our ability to be honest with Him. Just like Job we can come out of our season of pain saying,
“I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes” (Job 42:5-6 NLT).
Job had an encounter that radically changed and deepened his relationship with God. Relationship is what God draws us into in our darkest nights. He gives us “songs in the night” (Job 35:10), comfort and truth to stand on when the pain threatens to overtake us.
He remains faithful and stable, able to meet us where we are.
Sometimes allowing ourselves to do “open journaling” can help this process. This is where we write in a journal everything we are thinking and feeling exactly how it needs to come out. No editing or fine-tuning. No one is going to read it! It serves as a starting point for expressing what is really in our hearts. The only one listening is so perfect in love He can handle it!
We may need a trusted friend or counsellor who knows God’s heart to help us through this process. Whatever it takes, when you’re ready, find a way to let the truth out.
He meets our truth with His truth and the exchange is powerful.
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